Back at it!

                                  

Monday Larry's mom turned 80 and we had a big party for her.  I didn't really help much since I have been consumed with my parents. It was a fun night and there were a lot of people that came to wish her a Happy Birthday.  We had it at the Hooper Civic Center and it was packed the entire night.  I know it made mom feel good and that she really enjoyed herself.  Donna is a great mom. She has always treated me and everyone so good.  It was fun celebrating her!

On Tuesday I went with my mom and Susan to the Cemetery and we met with a guy that helped us know what we needed to do for mom now that dad is gone.  They were really good and had a big list that we could check things off.  Scott (the guy that helped us) made some calls and was handling the insurance and gave a few things to do as well.  I liked having a check list and having things written down.  We went to the Drivers License place and gave them dad's drivers license and a copy of his death certificate.  I mailed a few letters to a few other places.  After daddy passed we checked out this yummy cafe that mom and Susan had noticed.  It's called the Corner Bakery and it is really good.  We went there a week or so ago and again on Tuesday.  I think it's one of my favorite places now.  Us girls talked about a few more days that worked for us all.  We are going to go to the banks next and then the Social Security Office.  I feel good about our plan.

My favorite picture from the funeral was one with Larry barely in it.  I was speaking  when this was taken and Larry was looking at me.  I love it!  I can see the love in his face and eyes.  I am glad that Larry was proud of me and that he loves me!  I love him too....I hope it shows on my face.

Judy wanted to get together and so she set a dinner date up with me and Tammy.  We invited Teresa too but she couldn't come.  I love these ladies and I should have known better than to tell Larry I would be back in a few hours.  He should have known better than to believe me.  We didn't leave the restaurant until they were closing.  They were cool about letting us stay. 

I did a lot of listening.  I know that might be hard to believe since I do talk a lot but tonight I listened more.  I realized as I listened that I am pretty content being me...right now...the way I am.  Sure I will always desire to be thinner but I enjoy sweets treats and don't want to give them up.  So, I'm okay with the extra roll around my middle. (until I see pictures then I'm not)  I realized that I'm happy with being me and the things I am doing and the goals I have.  It's a pretty good feeling because I haven't been like this most my life.  Even though my entire life I have tried my best I never felt like my best was enough.  I never felt like I was enough.  I now feel different and I do feel like my best is enough...heck it's my best.  I also feel like I am good enough...it's taken me a long time to get to this point and it feels good.

I did go home when Larry sent me a rude text.  The guy is having a hard time but I won't hold it against him since I know that every now and then we all go through hard times.  I will listen and try to help him through it.  It's his problem not mine and I will be there for him. (he did get over it pretty quickly...he had his own little pity party but didn't let it last long)  Sometimes pity parties are good because after you feel sorry for yourself it's easier to see all the Blessings that we take for Granted.

 It felt good to be back bowling with my friends.  I missed a few weeks since I was with my dad.  I felt the love of my team and the other ladies.  It's a good feeling to be loved.  I grabbed a few head bands since it's the day before Halloween.  I had something that matched everyone and it was fun being a "little" dressed up.  I love my team...I have always loved the teams I have bowled with but these ladies are really sweet.  I'm so glad that Debbie invited me to sub for their team 9 years ago.  It's been so much fun for me to bowl every week with so many wonderful ladies.

After the summer salad bowl it was decided that we would continue to get a meal while we are bowling.  The cooks are fabulous and really cook up some wonderful things.  They don't skimp on anything.  For Halloween they really went all out. I had to take pictures so I could remember for my own Halloween dinners.  They do this all for $2.75.  I know it's the tips that make it worth it for them.  I am always astounded with the things they prepare.  It's crazy that ladies will complain...but they do.  It's too spicy, it's too early, it's too something.  I might need to take my nerf gun and shoot them when I hear their complaints.  For the price there is something they should like.  Anyway it's fun seeing what the cooks come up with and it beats the heck out of going to lunch after bowling and spending four times that.

I know I haven't mentioned much about bowling.  The bowling is simply what gets us there....for me it's not about the bowling.  I like bowling but wouldn't go every week if it wasn't for the socializing...the yummy food is a bonus.

On Friday I brought Larry with me to run errands with my mom.  We went to the banks and let them know of my dads passing.  We closed one account at one bank and notified the Credit Union.  My mom will take my dads name off the account in a few months.  We stopped and got doughnuts because doughnuts and Halloween go together....right?

The Sister Missionaries stopped by for Chili and Doughnuts.  The Sisters are pretty wonderful and bring a really good spirit into our home.  Larry is really trying to help them out and I'm impressed with his efforts.  I am also impressed with my kids for standing up for the Church when others put it down. Kimleighel did that a few times this week and Jared does quite often as well.  I did mention to one of my friends that caught me at the end of the Trunk or Treat that she keeps coming to my mind whenever I think about helping the missionaries.  She laughed and so I laughed.  She is very religious and for some reason quit going to our Church and attends another Church now.  She's a wonderful person and I probably need to go find out her reasons.  I haven't really been to concerned because I know she is close to Heavenly Father and lives a good life.  I know she has her reasons and I know that Heavenly Father understands the "whys".

I enjoyed seeing each one of my cute grands.  I love my little ones so much.  They each make my heart so happy and full.  Zaden was a stinker and didn't want his picture taken.  I couldn't even bribe or threaten him enough and so I tricked him.  He thought Jaydan was still standing behind him and I had my neighbor take our picture.  Oh my word these little ones make my life so happy!  I treasure each one of these special little spirits.  Oh...I was "Blue".  I thought that was appropriate this year!

On Saturday I went to a Conference for Women that the Brigham City Hospital puts on.  Jodi had posted about it and the timing was perfect.  I needed a Spiritual Boost and to be around women, and Jodi.  I learned some new things.  I was reminded of other things that I need to do.  I felt the spirit and felt the love of my Heavenly Father.  I didn't even go to the last class because I liked the feeling I had after listening to Julie (the gal in pink).  My soul was energized and I was ready to continue on.  I'm so thankful for these kind of things for women.  We need these things and realize how good they are for us.  I needed to see my twinsee, Jodi.  She is good for me.

On the way home I thought a lot.  I thought a little about how others see us.  I have been spoiled with kindness and love during this time and I pondered a little on "why".  I know my weaknesses and faults and I don't do as much as I think I should. But, I realized I must be doing more than I give myself credit for because I am treated so wonderful.  Another cute friend reminds me that kindness brings kindness.  Because of the love and kindness shown to me during this time I want to be better at being kind and thoughtful to others.  I have been shown many different ways to be kind and not all ways take a lot of time or money but they all mean just as much to me.  I'm going to do more good! Larry H. Miller said: "Go about doing Good until there is too much Good in the World". (his wife said that at the conference)  I'm going to be better at doing my part!  I'm thankful for all my friends that believe in me and love me and are a blessing to me.  Everyone I know makes me better!

Halloween Dinner

The last Sunday of October when everyone comes to dinner we have a Halloween Dinner.  We had it tonight even though Justin's family couldn't be here.  I really wasn't into it this year but Kimi was and she was a big help.  Kimi and Ivy did the fingers and the mummy dogs.  I did the eye's and "guts".  Not a big deal but always fun anyway.  I love our family traditions and actually when my kids help it makes it easier and less stressful.  I appreciate their help.

I got to enjoy two primary programs today.  Trichelle's ward had their program and so Larry and I went to listen to Ivy and Zaden say their parts.  They both knew them really well.  The kids sit with their parents until after the sacrament and then go up and about that time Zaden started feeling "ill".  Trichelle is a great mom and went with him.  She held him and he continued to get sicker.  When it was his turn to do his part Trichelle carried Zaden and he clung to her and wouldn't turn towards the audience.  Trichelle said his part and brought him back down to the bench with us.  Immediately Zaden felt better and was waving at Ivy.  (such a pill)  I asked him to tell me his part one more time before we left but he wouldn't do it.  He did say it later for Gramps and our family.  After their program we took them to our ward and listened to ours.  I love the Primary Programs and the spirit those little ones have.  I'm looking forward to the other grands programs.

The Weekend

We had a Halloween Party at SNAP and I went for a few minutes because I needed to take cookies and I wanted to say Hi to my friends. I really enjoy how fun the participants of SNAP are.  They have such kind hearts and enjoy everything.  A ward from West Haven came and had activities set up like a carnival.  It looked like everyone was enjoying themselves.

I went up to my mom's after so that I could spend the night one last time with my siblings.  Really the reason was so that I could go with my sister bright and early to take Bennett to the Airport.  We needed to leave at 4:00 and it just seemed like a better idea to all be at mom's instead of having to get up early and drive there.  We watched the "Golden Girl's" and ate popcorn before heading to bed.  Before Bennett went downstairs he was goofing off with his teeth.  He ended up spitting them at me which is seriously disgusting but also funny.  I'm going to miss my brothers.  Terry was being picked up early too to head back to Oregon.  We passed David at the bottom of the hill (Old Kar Kwik).  I sure enjoyed the time we had and the memories we made.  Life is constantly changing and we just got a big change.

On Friday Larry called and said that we had better run to SLC to check out the show that Justin and Brandon had trailers at.  I said that would be fine but when he got home he didn't feel like it and suggested we go on Saturday.  He wasn't pleased at all to hear that I couldn't because I had a play.  He didn't talk much to me the rest of the night or much the next day.  He did admit he was having his own little pity party.  I just thought it's interesting how Satan can creep into our lives and he knows when we are vulnerable and tired...that's when he hits!  Satan is the biggest jerk!  Larry's party didn't last long and by the time I got home from the play he was over it.

The play was really fun.  Satan was a big jerk in this play too.  He's such a smooth talking liar.  This was a fun play though with lots of great music.  I really enjoyed being at it with Barbie, Heather, Carol, Natalie and some very cute little's.  I always enjoy this fun group.  I am glad I had something fun to do since the last few weeks were exhausting.  Plenty of good things and plenty of hard things.  The thought just came to me..."Life is to be enjoyed not just endured".  We did lots of enduring and so now  I am going to continue enjoying.

Daddy's Funeral

I knew losing my daddy was going to be hard.  I never thought about losing any of my parents until about a year ago.  I was taking my mom and dad to their neighbors funerals and that's when reality hit.  I remember being so thankful that I was lucky enough to still have both my parents.  I dreaded this day but knew it was approaching.

In my mind 80 is still young.  I had a friend recently tell me that any thing over 80 is a bonus.  It's funny to me that 80 seems young...it's only because I am coming up on it so quick.  It's a good life to reach 80 and my dad passed that.  Daddy had a good life.  I did see some slowing the last few years but it was still good.

I anticipated that today would be heart breaking and it was but not like I had thought.  I believe the prayers of others helped soften the hurt.  I had many friends sending me sweet, thoughtful texts and messages and I could feel their love and it helped so much.  I couldn't have got through this without the love and support of my family and friends.  They strengthen me so much.  I had a few friends surprise me by showing up to the family viewing and graveside.  It was a wonderful surprise that meant so much.  My friends are my family and there is always someone there for me physically and in spirit.  I am thankful for that.  Tonya and her sweet mommy were here today too but only ended up in group photo's...kind of hard to see.  Tonya and her mom have been there for me since I was five years old...oh how I love them.

The day was beautiful.  It was warm and wonderful....so perfect for a graveside service.  When we pulled into the cemetery we thought there must be another funeral as well because there were so many people and cars.  In reality they were there for us.  My daddy is loved and so is his family.  It was a wonderful sight and it made me cry. (again)

The grandson's were the pallbearers. Grandpa John must be so proud of his posterity.  They are all great young men.  I know I was proud as I watched them carry their grandpa to his resting place.  The thought came to me "he's not heavy...he's our grandpa".  (Little "jingles" pop into my head at times and sometimes a word will change to fit the event.)

So many people....so much love! All of my dad's nieces and nephews came...he was the last of his generation left from his family. A sad day for each of us but we know it won't be long until we meet again.  I can't wait for the next "Hello".  My friend messaged me that the next Hello is for Eternity.  That was a comforting thought and I used it in my talk.

                                 
We had a time for sharing memories so that anyone could if they wanted.  My sister started it off (I was so proud of her).  I loved the memories she shared.  Dad taught her math because she would need it the rest of her life.  She told how he was confused in the Hospital and said he was Esther Ruth and his birthday was a combination of his and mom's. We all mentioned his tomatoes and his singing to us.

I got up next and expressed my love and respect to my mom.  I am impressed with her strength and how she was so good to my dad and the respect she showed to him.  I shared how my mom had said that she saw daddy in each of us.  Even though I don't know what she see's this is what I see: Terry has an unconditional love for everyone and sees their good. Susan has a quiet manner like my dad.  She's soft spoken and when she has something to say everyone listens.  My little brother Bennett looks so much like my daddy and loves to fish and hunt like daddy did.  It's my hands that remind me of my daddy.  They look like his and I hope they will always be kind like his.  I am even starting to get the purple arms like my daddy. (I wish I didn't have that similarity)  I wrote a poem to sum up a few memories.  (posted at the bottom)

My little brother said that dad told him never to throw anything away.  You just might need a bike pedal someday.  Bennett had found 2 bike pedal's in the garage.  I liked how Bennett said that dad lives on in everyone that was there.  William and Jaydan (grandson's) shared a few memories and my cousin Kay said a few things.  It was winding up and the Bishop didn't think anyone else was going to share and just about that time my big brother stood up. (I was so glad)  His words were good but my memory isn't and I can't remember now what he said.  Everything was all loving and wonderful though and I think daddy would have been pleased.  We kept it simple.  My dad liked simple and called himself a simple man.

I believe he was smiling and knows how much he is loved.  Daddy will surely be missed. He was a simple man that had a huge impact on all of us!

My Poem:

I wanted to be like my daddy and so I ate ketchup on French toast, I fished and even gutted the things hoping my daddy would boast.

I got my feddish for chocolate from my daddy dear.  He liked chocolate like I do and always had some near.

I loved to sit on daddy's lap and watch the baseball games….I knew so many players and could even call them by name.

My favorite place to watch TV was laying on daddies behind…it never seemed to bother him I'm sure he didn't mind.

I remember standing on daddy's feet, around the kitchen we'd dance….so thankful for these memories I'm glad I had the chance.

My daddy use to darn his socks he'd put a light bulb in the toe…he could have just bought new socks but instead he chose to sew.

Daddy was so modest as modest as can be, he'd poke his head from his room and look both ways then hurry across to the bathroom being sure no one would see.

One time for valentines he gave me Mystic Mint Cookie, my favorite at the time…daddy knew how to make us smile he was so always so very kind.

Daddy used Duct tape for everything his old orange coat was covered too…his grandson liked it almost as much and completely transformed his shoe.

Daddy taught me to drive a car and I went a little too fast… he had to pull the brake a few times to make sure that we would last.

Daddy was so tender and hardly spanked us kids at all and when he did I remember hearing him stand by the steps and bawl.

He puttered around the yard and made wonderful creations in his shop…he grew tomatoes, flowers, apples and grapes we liked them all a lot.

Daddy liked to take pictures and I do too…it helps me to remember all the things that we all do.

Mom and dad were thrifty and they never had a debt…I learned that wonderful lesson from them… one I won't forget.

He saw the good in others and taught me to do the same…playing with others emotions was never to be a game.

We all loved to hear him sing it always made us smile.  When he played his fake "air" ukulele he strummed that thing with style.

Growing up my mommy told me that I was daddy's favorite little light…but I understand my daddy's heart and he loved each of us with all his might.

There was one however more special than the rest…he padded her bottom and winked at her. ..yep! His wife he loved the best!

When Mom asked dad to try harder to get better to her he did reply, For You my Dear ….I will try!

Daddy is our Angel now to help us through this life; he will watch over and help us whenever there is strife.

I know he loves us all so much and we all love him too…Families are forever I know this to be true!

We'll say Good Bye for now as sad as it might be…but our next greeting will be Hello for all Eternity!

Life Goes On....Ready or Not

It's easier going and taking care of arrangements when they have already been done.  Mom and Dad went and chose what they wanted years ago and paid for it.  So, when we went it was pretty simple..we just had to pick times and days and verify everything.  I only cried for a minute or so when I thought some of my kids wouldn't be included.  It worked out perfect though and I believe everyone was happy and fine with the decisions made.  Waiting a week for the service seems so long but in a way it's kind of nice.  I get to see my daddy again and I look forward to that.  I know Thursday is going to be hard.  (Happy Tears..Happy Tears...trying to stay positive)

I was going to go to lunch with my siblings and mom on Saturday to Taggarts but lost the enthusiasm after some unpleasant things happened.  I have decided I will not fake that unfairness is okay...I won't be a part of it.  I decided that going and watching Kamryn play soccer and taking my girls to lunch is where I needed to be.  It was the right choice.  I love being with my girls and we all had a good time together.  Kimleighel was with Larry and Jared Deer Hunting.  Kelsi was with Braxton in Denver. The rest of us were able to go.  I love my girls and being with them.  We had a fun time!  They make my heart happy even when it was sad.

Tonya and Mark and so kind and came by one night to visit us and give us hugs.  They had been out of town and even though they were tired they came by.  I love them so much and it meant a lot to have them stop by.  I gave Tonya a "Sunshine Bag" because she is one of the kindest people I know.  She helps with her parents all the time is just plain wonderful!  I've had that bag waiting for her!

 Tuesday the "Hooper Honey's" went to lunch to celebrate Tammy.  Tammy's birthday is National Angel Food Cake day and so I got her a halo.  I was glad we were able to get together since they changed it because I was staying at my parents helping my dad.  It was nice being around my friends and feeling their love.  It was nice laughing and talking and just getting away for a minute.

 I've still wanted to spend time at my mom's and be around my brothers while they are here.  They make me smile and I am loving the time we have with them.  We had a few visitors one day.  My cousin, Jennifer was in town because her brother, Mike had passed on the 13th and they were having a family dinner to celebrate and honor Mike. (Mike was my dad's nephew)  I enjoyed visiting with Jennifer and loved listening to her talk.  I loved watching her facial expressions because it brought back a flood of memories.  Jennifer and I are the same age and use to have a lot of fun together.  Her expressions reminded me of her sweet sister Roxann who passed away about 4 years ago.

Tonya and Connie came up too and they brought thoughtful gifts for everyone.  They really are so thoughtful.  Tonya and I spent so much time at each other's homes.  There are so many memories. Tonya reminded us all how we use to climb up in the garage and play.  I guess my dad heard us and told us to be careful.  It was a little spot above the garage doors.  My parents used it for storage but we rearranged things so we could play house.  So many fun memories have been brought up this last month.  I really did have a fun life.

 Going up and down the road all the time can be boring but not all the time.  One day I was coming home and saw a big goat out standing on his back legs eating the leaves from a tree.  I wasn't quick enough with my camera.  However I was quick enough to get Braxton and Kelsi's "kids" one day.  They are cute and I always look at them coming and going.  Sometimes they make me laugh.  They are pretty darn cute.

So many people have showed such love and support to me.  I have received many texts, messages, cards, phone calls and just hugs from so many people. I even have a friend who brought dinner to my family and my mom and siblings.  She wouldn't take no for an answer. (she's bringing more on Thursday..I can't stop her...I've tried)  It really does help~all of it.  I really do feel blessed to be loved by so many.  I had a friend tell me the other day that we love differently.  Some people aren't capable of loving lots of people.  These kind of people show favorites and love those they associate with.  Then there are people who can love and treat everyone the same.  It doesn't matter how much time is spent with another for them to still be loved and treasured.  I'm like that....I really can and do love many people no matter how often I see them or how much time we spend together.  I was grateful for that piece of knowledge.  I shouldn't be upset if someone isn't "capable" of loving like I do.  I got that kind of love from my daddy...that's how he loved! 

So I know a few posts back I said I didn't want a lot of flowers at mine or Larry's funerals.  I might have to take that back.  Flowers make me smile and are appreciated since they are a form of love.  I'm feeling really loved.

My Daddy's Program for His Service

My mom was pleased with how this turned out.  I was also happy with it and glad that I was able to put it together.

*my ♥ hurts looking at my daddy and remembering all the things he taught me and did for me and with me.  I guess that ache will never fully heal until we say "Hello" again.

*Sometimes when I get slapped, I slap back instead of turning the other cheek.  I'm not  happy to admit that but it's true....I try to be nice but sometimes I react instead of acting like the slap didn't hurt!

I really am daddy's favorite

Last week I told my sister I was daddy's favorite.  We joked about believing that we really were.  When I was young my mom told me often that I was daddy's favorite and I believed her and it was good thinking that. (I knew I wasn't hers...she also told me that)  Being the favorite or least favorite really didn't matter.  I knew I was loved by both my parents and I was taken good care of.  I have had a very happy life and mostly good, happy memories.

When I had children I realized that I really wasn't my daddy's favorite but that we all were in our own way.  I know that because that is how I feel.  Each one of my children is my favorite in their own way.

Friday after going to the Mortuary and Cemetery we came back to mom's and Susan was looking for pictures so I could make the program for the Graveside Service Program. (I didn't want to pay $50 for the impersonal ones the Mortuary makes which is silly of me because they would have been included in the funds and now I will pay for them)  Anyway...Susan came out of my dads room saying: "You really were dads favorite.  She had my dad wallet and there were only 3 pictures in it. The first was of my mom and a brand new baby (mom's thinks it was Terry) the next two were me!  So in reality two pictures of me and two of my mom....but the picture with just one person was me!  I'm the favorite!

 (as I mentioned before I know that isn't true...my dad loved us all the same)