Oh what a week!

It's a complete joy for me to have my grands over.  Zaden ended up sleeping over with us on Monday which was good because he will be with his dad this weekend.  He liked that he got to spend the night by himself.  I liked that I got to wake up to his cute face on Monday because I knew this week was going to be hard.  My dad isn't doing good and I planned on spending time with him and my mom.

My brothers both came home to help with my dad.  I didn't know they were coming.  I guess because I keep my life so busy others don't think I need to know what's going on.  Twice this week I had people say something to me about being so busy.  Really the things I post only take a few hours of my day.  I do try to keep busy and I do try to plan things each day because those things keep me going.  However, I am very flexible and when I am needed I can change things.  I'm glad my brothers came home because I really had thought that they needed to.  

The doctors have tested my dad to find out why he doesn't feel good and why he is so weak.  They can't find anything really and so they aren't able to treat him because there really isn't anything to fix.  His heart and kidney's are both starting to fail but it's because they are worn out not because they have an infection or anything.  Tuesday it was decided by the entire family, including my dad that he would go home with Hospice.  Hospice keeps the patient comfortable.  Because life isn't being sustained anymore my dad is able to quit taking his heart and kidney meds.  In a way that is nice because they made his mind foggy...now he can think normally.  It was hard for me to see my dad frustrated and anxious.  I realized coming home that night that no amount of preparation is enough when you are letting someone you love go.  It hurts....it will always hurt as long as there is love between you.  

Hillary and Brian came in for a visit.  I think it's a tender mercy that they are here at this time.  Hillary is such a cutie and always invites me to go to lunch with her while she is here.  This week wasn't very good and so they brought lunch to all of us at the hospital on Tuesday.  I love my cute niece and her cute family.  They are just plain good through and through.

When I came home on Tuesday I passed my cute visiting teacher who had just left me a little treat for this month.  I seriously believe she was inspired to wait until the last day of the month because I needed that little act of love on this day.  Heavenly Father knew that on this day I was going to have a hard time and he sent my visiting teacher to me.  I know many will say that was a coincident even Mindy said she was just a slacker.....I don't believe it.

It's hard to let someone go but it's even harder to watch them slowly die.  I have more compassion for my friends and family that have experienced this.  I was with my sister when her hubby died but this is different....this is my blood....the man who has always been there for me.  The man who has taught me so much.  The man that provided and protected me.  The man I call daddy!

On Wednesday I had a lunch date with Debbie.  We have been wanting to go for months and had just planned this get together on Monday.  I thought about postponing it but didn't because I needed a little break.  It worked out that I took Trichelle with me.  I love cute Debbie and she is very supportive and is also going through a similar experience with her dad.  After lunch Trichelle and I picked up Ivy and went back up to my parents home.  We visited some more.  My daddy mostly slept this day.  I enjoy the little stories that I am hearing.  I like having my family together.  I love seeing the love between my mom and dad.  I am glad that my mom is being carried at this time and is doing so well.  That is comforting to me.

I don't feel like I am doing anything and I need to be doing something.  The "thought" came to scatter a little sunshine.  I couldn't remember what treats I needed for more bags and so I just went and bought all the treats again.  My house has a bunch of treats right now.

I got up early on Thursday and made 6 Sunshine bags.  I took them all with me to my parents even though I knew that I was just planning on giving out four.  I knew soon who the other two were for.  I gave them to my brothers my sister and my mom.  I also gave one to Paula who just "happened" to be here from West Virginia this week and was checking on her parents home right next to my parents.  She just went through this with her dad this last year.  I gave her one of the Sunshine Bags and the other one I will give to another neighbor who takes care of her dad that lives across the street from my parents. Linda comes in the morning though and so I had missed her.  She will get it next week.  There is something about doing something nice for others that helps take my mind off of my hurt.  I felt good for scattering a little sunshine with the others.  There is also something about cranking the radio up so you can't think....I did that a few times this week and will probably continue to turn the music up until my daddy passes.

Larry and I had been planning on taking Vicky to lunch since Dave passed away and it's been ten months already and so on Friday we took her to LaFerovia.  I had told my mom that I would take dinner for her and the boys on Friday  and so I started getting things ready before lunch.  I finished up after lunch and Jared and I took it up.  Larry and Kimleighel came a little later when Kimi got off work.  We decided to just eat with them that night.  Again I felt good for doing something...for serving my brothers and my mom.  Everyone enjoyed the meal and I left the left overs so that my brothers could get themselves some if they got hungry.  Earlier in the week I took a large bag of rolls and some soup mixes that they could make up.  It makes me feel bad that my mom is preparing meals for everyone....but maybe that makes her feel good...I don't know. (my dad has said "I don't know" a lot this last little while)

Justin brought his family up Friday night but my dad had just fell asleep.  Daddy had been doing well that day and was alert and awake and even eating.  He had just barely started to hurt before Justin's family came and so he had been given some pain med and it put him to sleep.

 I had enjoyed seeing him awake and visiting with him.  Some times I wonder if it really is his time to go.  When he is doing good I wonder and kind of believe that he will get stronger and maybe even better.  Then I remember how he has been the last little while and my brothers or hubby remind me that he is on some good pain reliever that is helping him to be comfortable.  I realize I suffer with denial.  I didn't think my daddy was as bad as he was until I really stopped and thought about it.  Now I find myself believing he is getting stronger and might get better when I see him have a good day.  One thing I do know is that I will cherish the time we have left.  I will try to find ways to serve my siblings, mom and dad.  I will enjoy this time that we have together right now.

Saturday I stayed busy with the grands.  Larry and I went to Kamryn's soccer game and then I got to watch Justin and Natalie's cute little ones while they went to SLC for Conference.  The grands are so cute and Macie is a little scooter girl.  She can get all over now and it's fun to watch her explore.  I gave her a little burp cloth and she acted like she was cleaning with it.  She played with the little burpie for quite some time.  Natalie visited with me while the guys went to the Priesthood Meeting.

 We went to LaFerrovia after the Priesthood Meeting because that is what we always do...it's a tradition...a family tradition.  We missed TJ, Zaden, and Kelsi but we were happy to have Gaby from Mexico join us.  (Gaby is staying at our house for a week while she is visiting UT)  I love my silly family.  I love how they pose for pictures because they are so silly and make this mommy smile.  I laughed when Trichelle crawled under that table to get to her chair and to get back out.  I love the kid in all my kids.  My grands are little chips off the blocks....all of them!

Another tradition on Conference Weekend is to have the grands sleep over.  This year Zaden was at his dads but he was okay with missing since he got to sleep over Monday all by himself.  The grands always have a great time together.  They are getting easier each year.  I let them play until 11:00 and then had them so to bed.  They were pretty good about settling down.  I didn't hear them until about 8:30 am.  I made them french toast and got out the dress ups so they could play before their parents came and got them.  I like our little tradition that Ivy kind of started.  She would ask to spend the night and since I really try to be fair we started having everyone.  This weekend Ivy was with her dad but I just text him and Martha and asked if Ivy could come...they like me and said Yes!  I like them too!  I love that the grands play so well together and love being together.  I hope the always will.

We went up to my parents between Conference and my daddy was doing great.  He was awake and talking.  He asked us about his legs not working.  We told him that his legs kind of gave out a week or so ago.  His mind is doing good and he has ate better the last couple of days.  I wanted to do something for my daddy and I thought that maybe I could rub his feet.  He said that would be wonderful and so I got some cream and rubbed away.  Normally I think his feet might gross me out a little since men's feet kind of do and older people's are worse.  I wasn't grossed out but then again I really didn't look at his feet while I rubbed them.  Dad liked it so much he asked us to comb his hair.  I let Jared have the pleasure of doing that.  My dad was loving all the TLC (tender lovin care)  He asked Kimleighel what she was going to do and she decided to rub his hands with lotion.  He purred his little purr....which of course made me smile.  It was such a great visit.  Daddy mentioned he was eager to get his grip back for a good hand shake.  I think he's got some fight left in him. I don't think he's ready to leave us quite yet....I'm thankful for that.

Next week I think I will see if my mom needs help with any cleaning.  I want to be of service because when I serve I just feel good.  This is a crazy time.  I don't understand everything and ask a lot of why's but I do know that I have Faith in God and also His Timing.  I'm thankful for the memories we are making right now.  I love my daddy and my mom and siblings.  I am thankful for the memories we have together.  I'm glad that we are all here together.