Today I spent a few hours with a dear friend of mine. I smiled while we chatted. I continually count my blessings and was trying to focus on all the good things happening around me. There is so much good! My friend looked into my eyes and said you seem stressed. I quickly reviewed what I had been saying and wondered if I was talking louder and faster than I normally do. While those thoughts were running through my head she said.....I know what it is.....You have lost Your Sparkle. As if on cue my eyes filled with tears but I am strong and wouldn't allow them to flow....I blinked them back. She then told me that for the first time ever she wasn't jealous of me having seven children. We've talked multiple times what a blessing having seven children is. But with everything there is opposition. Since I do have seven children and four more added to them through marriage, and nine grands and two on the way there's a little more concern that fills me up. (I'm full) I don't mean to worry it just happens. I don't think I focus on the little concerns but my subconscious knows and reminds me every now and then that opposition happens, and it happens to everyone. It's life and it's real. I can smile all I want, and write down pages of blessings and listen and sing uplifting songs all day but deep down my soul and heart hurts sometimes.
As a wife and mom and just plain human being I want to be able to make everything right. I want to help others to be happy and not experience trials or pain. I plead constantly with Heavenly Father for those things. I know His plan is best in the long run and He knows what trials we need to learn certain things. Maybe I am being a slow learner right now. Maybe my blood pressure medicine has crazy side effects that are not in sync with my life style and mind set. I'm not sure what's happening or why but one thing I know for sure is I want my Sparkle Back!
I looked up the side effects of the bp medicine and they are:
cold or flu symptoms such as stuffy nose, sneezing, sore throat, fever;
dry cough;
yep but just occationally
muscle cramps;
yep
pain in your legs or back;
yep
stomach pain, diarrhea;
headache, dizziness;
lightheaded
tired feeling; or sleep problems (insomnia).
very tired
itching, hands, feet
everywhere
So I'm pretty sure much of my lack of sparkle is from my new medicine....not liking this at all.
2 comments:
What? That dang medicine! That explains your itchy hands though. But, I am glad they have medicine for your blood pressure because I would hate to have to see you in the same place as Robin. I am so sorry you have to suffer so much though. Maybe over time, some of the symptoms will let up. And I KNOW for certain you will never lose your SPARKLE permanently. You won't let that happen. Life can be so hard at times....but even when we don't feel the sparkle sometimes if we fake it, it tricks our body into thinking it's still there and it will come back! I just listened to this:
http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/Pastor-Joel-Osteen-on-How-Words-Can-Determine-Your-Destiny-Video?FB=fb_sss_pastor_joel_osteen_on_how_words_can_determine_your_destiny_video
...and I think it has a lot of truth in it. You can tell yourself, "I am sparkly!" Because deep down you are very sparkly! And always will be no matter if that medicine tries to take that away!
You know I am all about positive thinking and positive affirmations. I do tell myself I am happy, and blessed but it's funny that a friend noticed something wasn't quite right even though I had my smile on. Knowing all this just makes me have to work harder and I know that there is a reason and good things will come from this trial. Thanks Jodi for your positive affirmations as well today they are more help than you may know. :D
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